Category Archives: My Life

The Queen of ADD

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I am the queen of ADD-land.

What’s that?

You don’t believe me?  You think you have me beat?

Well, you’re going to feel pretty foolish in another moment, because I’m going to prove it.

Earlier this week The Bean and I went down to the County Clerk’s office to get copies of some important paperwork (Squid’s birth certificate, etc.) in anticipation of our upcoming move.  While we were there we picked up a copy of our marriage certificate, just in case.

Without further ado, I present to you the evidence supporting my claim….

My marriage certificate:

Yeah, that’s right.

What you see is correct.

Signature of Groom?

Yup!

Signature of Bride?  

Uhmmmm…… Nope?

Yeah. So, it appears I forgot to sign my own marriage certificate.  How did this happen?  I have no idea.  I remember entering the room.  I remember watching The Bean sign it.  I remember watching the witnesses sign it.

However,  when it came time for me to actually sign the danged thing, apparently something distracted me.  I really have to wonder — what on earth could I have found more important than signing my own marriage certificate?  Did a really cool butterfly flutter by?  Did someone offer me a really shiny stick of gum?  Maybe someone told the world’s funniest joke?

I wish I knew.

Nevertheless, there you have it:  tangible evidence that I am The Queen of ADD.

I mean, I’ve had my suspicions of this before.

In high school I forgot to show up for the SATs.  I paid for it, I bought the study book…. and then I just forgot about them.   I didn’t realize I’d missed them until I overheard some kids talking about them the next week.

Whoops.

I also forgot to show up for a final in one of my college classes.

I didn’t even remember about it until nearly a week and a half later.

Double whoops (and an “F”, in case you were curious.)

Still, I think this new “proof” might actually take the cake.

Not only is it as confusing as heck (seriously, nobody noticed that I didn’t sign it?  Not a single witness?  What’s the point of having witnesses, if they’re not going to have your back on stuff like this?  Yeesh.), but the Bean has started referring to it as his “Golden Parachute”—as in, “Becky, you’d better be nice to me.  I’ve got my ‘Golden Parachute’ out of here unless you treat me reeeeeally good.  What’s that, Judge?  Marriage?  No, sir… I wasn’t married… just look at this here certificate.  Do you see any signature on that?  Nope!  Me neither!  Have a nice day!”

The Bean is also very, very close to spending the night on the couch, in case you were interested.

At any rate, there you go.

I am the Queen of ADD-land.

You may all bow before me, and.. and, CRAP I forgot to pick up milk at the store.  I really need to text The Bean to remind him to pick some up on his way home, so we can have some for The Squid’s bottle for tonight.  Definitely gotta text him….Where’s my phone?  I know I put it around here some place…..ah-ha!  Here it is.  Crap.  The battery’s dead.  Where’s the cord?  Oh, yeah, I know where the cord is!  It’s in that overnight bag – the one I put in the boys’ room.  I need to get it out.  Let me just pull it down and… Oh, hey!  That’s where that purse was hiding!  I’ve been looking for you, you dumb thing!  Heh – here’s that little note my coworker gave me last week.  It’s such a sweet note.  It always makes me think of..

Think of….
 
Wait.

What was I supposed to be doing again?

Go, Bean!

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“So, how about you, Becky?  You’re in college?”  The Bean leaned forward to take a sip of his Sam Adams, careful not to lean the elbows of his blue hoodie on anything sticky.

“Yeah, I’m working through the prerequisites to enter a nursing program.”  My shift was over, but as I’d made a beeline for the door, anxious to escape the bar after eight hours of dealing with football fans, I’d seen him there.  I’d only stopped by to say a quick hello, but one thing led to another, and an hour later I was seated on the stool next to him, cocktail waitress apron on the bar by my elbow.

“Nursing, huh?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll like it.  I mean, if I didn’t have to worry about money, I might do something like a Creative Writing degree, or maybe even Spanish… or Sociology… maybe a translation degree…” I trailed off with a laugh. “None of the things I like really pay the bills, so nursing it is.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.  I was in school for engineering, but when I started making good money selling cars, I never quite finished.” He took another sip of beer, and I studied his face from beneath my lashes.  Man, he had really nice eyes.  Those eyes were incredible.

“Oh, that sucks.”  I sat there a moment, letting silence carry the weight of my sympathy.  He’d already complained to me about the way the car industry had tanked with the economy.  “How close were you to graduating?’

“I had one semester left.”  He laughed, shook his head, and took a big swing of beer.

I raised my eyebrows and and waited… but there was no punchline.  “You’re kidding, right?’

“Nope.”

“You were one semester away from graduating with an engineering degree from a prestigious UC school… and you just quit?  Are you freakin’ kidding me?’

“I was making really good money – like, really good– much better than I ever would have as an engineer.  It didn’t make sense to continue.”

“But you were one semester away, Bean.  Just one semester.” I stared at him, unreasonably irritated by the foolhardiness of his decision.

He gave a rueful shrug.  “It was really good money.”  He opened his mouth to change the subject, but I wasn’t about to let the matter drop.

There was a reason I was single, despite working in a crowded, busy sportsbar.

“You’re an idiot.  Seriously.  If you don’t go back and finish that semester and get your degree, you’re an absolute idiot.”  I set my drink down and stared at him hard.

His eyes met mine, and he held my stare for a long moment. 

“Maybe I will, Becky.  Maybe I will.” 

**********

Today was The Bean’s last final.

When he went back to finish his degree, one thing led to another, and he made the decision to start over from scratch and “do it right”, to use his words.

I may, or may not, have called him an idiot again.  I plead the fifth.

Two weeks into his first semester we found out I was pregnant with the DragonMonkey.

It’s been a little over four and a half years since then.

He completed the whole thing in four and a half years, from start to finish, despite working around 50 hours a week, moving several times, and having two kids.  In fact, for the last two years, he’s been working two jobs.  For a brief period there he was actually working three.

He is graduating with a 3.9, with only three B’s on his entire transcript.

He’s graduating the top of his class in the accounting department.  A really nice accounting firm in Portland has already snatched him up, and as you all know, in less than two weeks we’ll be living there.

Bean, I’d like to propose a toast.

Here’s to the hard work, and the sleepless nights.  Here’s to the lonely weekends, and the staying up late, studying ridiculously boring subjects.  Here’s to waking up at three so you can have everything ready for work and still show up on time to your 5 am math class.

Here’s to $300 tax books that the bookstore won’t buy back because there’s a “new edition.”

Here’s to skipping new movies, and vacations, and even our honeymoon so we didn’t have to pull out a bigger loan.

Here’s to horselessness.

Here’s to you getting up on the morning after we got married, kissing me on the cheek while I nestled deeper in the hotel sheets, and still making it to your Saturday class.

Here’s to not punching your fellow students when they complained to the teacher about juggling their school workload with their part-time, minimum wage job.

Here’s to all of our sacrifices.

Here’s to us.

I’m proud of you, baby.

Now… let’s go have a little fun.