I have encountered one of those strange, scientific phenomena that cannot be explained, and it leaves me uneasy.

Perhaps one of you out there can explain.

Can anyone tell me how this:

Manages to morph into this:

Every time I try to:

As someone who doesn’t believe in macroevolution, I find myself completely baffled.

So, I could go into a really long explanation about why I think I’m a bad mom, but it really boils down to fixing the following issue:

A: I need to find a way to get some more sleep.

OR

B: I need to stop walking my newborn son’s head into walls. And bumping it on his crib when I pull him out. And knocking it into stuff when I put him in. And dropping cell phones on it. At this point, I’m not sure he even has a soft spot left.