Category Archives: Kids

A Mother’s Pride

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5

 

“Gordon, would you please help me with my impo’tant job?  Thank you, Gordon.”

a little later…

“Yes, please… please help me back on tracks… Oh, no!”  I hear a soft clatter.  “Oh, no, Gordon!  You make all the trains fall off the track!  Please, would you please be more careful?”

The play continues, and after a bit I  hear the gentle sound of trains falling yet again….

“Please get back on the track and be more careful, Gordon.  You please be more careful with your job, and please don’t make all the other trains sad.  Please, Gordon?  Would you please help us, and be nice?  Thank you so much, Gordon.  Thank you.”

Awww… listen to him.

This.  This is why I fight so hard, all day long, trying to instill manners and sweetness into my kids.  This is worth all the fits at the grocery store, and all the times in the corner, and all the headaches and frustrations… this right here.  Tangible evidence that my hard work is actually paying off.

“Uh, oh, Gordon.  You made all the engines go off the track again.  Would you please be more careful with your trains and engines?”

I smile proudly.  I can picture it so clearly – the quiet, peaceful scene he is imagining, all the little Thomas the Train engines chugging along like reliable little engines should – lending each other compassionate assistance when they mess up.

“No?  You not want to be more careful?  Well.  Okay, then.”

“I’m sorry, Gordon, but you not being more careful.  Now I crash you… and squish you… and hit you… and make you dead.”  Each pause is punctuated by another harsh clatter as Gordon is punished for his crimes.

“Now I make you bleed, and I not take you to the hospital…..”  A pause, as he thinks about that one for a moment, then his voice returns, with a new enthusiasm.  “Yes, I take you to the hospital… I hit you and crash you and I make you bleed…and you go to the hospital and they give you biiiiig needles.  Very big needles.  All over you.  You are gonna bleed, and then you gonna have big needles all over you.” 

Another pause, and then a regretful, “I sorry, Gordon, you not want to help other engines. Now you all bloody and squished and you die.”

I think I’ll just blame it on the TV.  I must have missed that episode:  Thomas & Friends and their visit to the KGB.

How To Give Yourself Writer’s Block

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7

“Mama, Squid’s bleeding.”

And he was – sitting there calmly on the side of his bed, bleeding and laughing, his teeth stained an eerie red, with the entire side of his room coated in a layer of blood. It looked like a scene from Dexter.

“Holy crap… are you okay? DragonMonkey, how the heck did this happen?!”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I stomp on Squid’s nose with my foot to make him laugh.”

“Again?! Again, DagonMonkey? Hahahahaha…Kick me again!”

****

“MAMA!  Squid is throwing the kittens’ poo-poo all over the toy room again!”

****

“MAMA!  Squid made Artemis all white with baby powder again, and now it’s everywhere!”

****

“Mama!  You need to get outta the shower – I tried to count the chicken eggs but they all fell off the counter and I’m sorry and they broke and now Artemis and Squid playing in the mess and it is everywhere. Please help.”

****

“MAMA!  Squid trying to get Artemis to chew the TV cord and it’s gonna burn her and she’s gonna die, and then I’m not gonna have a puppy, and please hurry up going poo poo or we gonna have a fire!”

****

“Mama, Squid opened the dishwasher again and he got a big knife and he won’t give it back to me.”

****

McDonald’s BBQ sauce is borderline impossible to get out of a carpet.  So is oil.  And a quarter pound of bacon grease.

****

If you dump apple juice on the ground and walk on it, you can make sticky footprints EVERYWHERE 😀 😀 😀 

****

“Mrs. Becky!  DragonMonkey and Squid are throwing books and breaking things and they won’t stop, no matter how much I tell them to.”

****

“Mama, Squid bit me!”

****

“Mrs. Becky, Squid bit me!”

****

“Mrs. Becky, Squid bit my brother, and then when DragonMonkey told him to stop, he bit DragonMonkey!”

****

“Mama, Squid’s eating the dog food again!”

*****

“Maaaa, D’agonMonkey hiiiiit meeeee…….”

*****

“Mama, I sorry I color the walls and your jacket and my book.”

*****

“Mama, I sorry we chew up the library book.  I sorry you have to pay lots of money to the library man to buy the book.”

*****
*****
*****

My book revolves around a woman trying to do whatever is necessary to keep custody of her three year old boy.

The thing is, the only time I have to write is at 9 o’clock, after I put my little monsters in bed…. and by the time 9 o’clock rolls around, the last thing in the world I want to do is pick up my laptop, open my writing software and immerse myself in a world where I have to take care of another kid, even if it’s a fictional three year old.

I swore to myself I’d have my rough draft done by the end of January, and be ready to submit it by mid April.

The thing is, every time I open up a chapter and start writing I begin actively daydreaming about having my main character just give the kid back to his dad and drive off into the sunset, never to return.

Since that’s the antithesis of the entire book, it’s not exactly something I can just fold into the storyline.

And that’s how I gave myself writer’s block. 

Mental note to future self:  make the next story about freedom and lack of responsibility and sleeping in and horses, so it’s a place to escape to, not escape from.