What’s wrong, DragonMonkey? You look concerned.

Wow, you look really upset. What’s wrong?

What’s that you say? “Ewww“? Show mama.

Oh, is that all? Silly boy. That’s not ewww. That’s a lizard. It’s pretty big, too. Wait back there – let Mama take a picture.

See? A lizard. It’s nothing to be scared of.

Wait. What? You want me to pick it up for you? Ummm, yeah. I’d rather not. Here. Here’s a stick. Maybe if you poke it the lizard will decide to run away and Mama can go back to… well, actually Mama wasn’t doing anything all that interesting, but she’s pretty sure she can find something more interesting than staring at a motionless lizard.

No, Matty. Don’t just squat there and wave the stick at it. The ground is cold, and lizards are cold blooded. As such, when their blood has cooled they tend to be more sluggish— Oh. Wait. Never mind. That’s too much information for a two year old.

Poke.

DragonMonkey, poke.

Poke at it with the stick. For goodness’ sakes, aren’t boys supposed to have some sort of natural rapport with lizards, or something?

There you. Good job. I’ll keep taking pictures because I want to document your cute little expression of surprise when it runs away.

Wow, that’s a really lazy lizard. Here, give Mama the stick. She’ll poke it and it will run away. It needs to find a place to hide before our evil cats find it.

Wow. That lizard is laaaazy.

Lazy, lazy, lazy.

Oh.

Wait.

Ummm.

Yeah, uhh… DragonMonkey? Stop poking. Mama’s pretty sure that lizard is….

Yup. Dead.

No, really, gross. Eww. Stop poking at it.

EWWWW! You flipped it over! Gross! Ewwww!

Great. Now I’ve just taught you how to harass dead animals. First step dead lizards, next step juvenile hall.

No, no, don’t be upset. I’m not angry at you. I’m just sad. Sad for the lizard.

No, wait, don’t cry! Don’t cry! Here. Let’s go play in the front yard.

What’s that? You’re concerned about the lizard? Don’t worry. Dada will throw it away bury it when he comes home.

Oh, Beeeeeaaan…..