*Drool*

I spent all day researching Morgans.

Yes, that’s right.

I spent all day researching the horse I am going to buy….

in 3 or 4 years….

to keep on the land I don’t own….

in the state I don’t live in.

Yeah, I know. There are about 437 more productive things that I could have spent my time on.

Instead, I found this:

and this:

And this:

I’ve always known that I really, really, REALLY like some Morgans, whereas I’m completely turned off by others.

Come to find out, it turns out that Morgans have their own little fanclub of foundation-bred Morgans, much the same way that Quarter horses have their little niche.

It turns out, I really like foundation-bred Morgans.

No, wait. Let me reword that.

It turns out I’m slightly obsessed with foundation-bred Morgans. There, that’s a little more accurate.

I mean, who wouldn’t be?

Look at them! In my opinion, they look exactly like a horse is supposed to look. Compact, sturdy, elegant, versatile….

*DROOL*

I’ve always prided myself on not being one to get all caught up in breeding or color.

When other girls were oohing and aahing over flashy paints or Hancock-this and Poco Bueno-that, I kept silent and allowed myself to feel quietly superior.

Pah.

Breeding. Color. Meh. There were plenty of fantastic, grade horses out there for me to love. I didn’t need anything special.

And then I saw this:

The Quietude Stud

And suddenly, I turned into a raving fangirl.

Forget the whole “Team Edward”/”Team Jacob” fangirls.

They ain’t got nothin’ on me.

I spent entirely too much time on their website, pawing through photo after gorgeous photo.

Then I discovered they had uploaded videos to Youtube.

Yeah.

I spent a ridiculous amount of time eyeballing this filly (Quietude Andalucia). Is it just me, or does she look unbelievably smooth to everyone else, too? I really enjoy riding bareback, and one of my criteria for my next horse is that it not rattle the teeth out of my head every time it breaks into a trot. This filly looks like you could hop up on her bareback and head off into the hills without either of you breaking a sweat.

Go ahead. Try to resist clicking through the links to all the other videos. I double-dog-dare you.

Yeah. That’s what I thought.

I couldn’t help myself either.

Don’t you just want to crawl through the computer screen and go live there with them? All those gorgeous horses… moving freely on lush, open pastures… the serene music….

I even went so far as to write the farm an email. I mean, I’ve seen some good-looking horses here and there. After all, my friend Bunnygal has some unbelievably talented, well-bred stock.

I’ve just never seen anything that grabbed me the way this farm’s herd did. As far as I can tell, they don’t have a single dud in the bunch. I’m actually almost disappointed that their herd as the fancy coloring it does, because I feel like I’ve completely sold out.

Bean, I need a horse! No, not any horse… I need a fancy foundation Morgan with rare bloodlines! No, not that rare-blooded Morgan… I need this other kind with long flaxen manes and tails and stocking feet!”

SIGH.

At any rate, I figured it was worth a quick attaboy email to give them two thumbs up from the opposite end of the country. The thing is, not only did I write this farm a letter…. But they actually answered me back.

They thanked me for my kind words, provided me with some really interesting information, and then offered to mail me a DVD.

Now the only thing that is missing is how to convince these people that I’m really their long-lost daughter, and that they need to invite me to come live with them in West Virginia.

Ode to Pregnancy


ODE TO PREGNANCY
Sung to the tune of “Home on the Range”
Lyrics by me

Oh, give me some time
And I’ll sing you a rhyme!
Of the “miraculous bliss” of pregnancy
Where seldom is heard
A favorable word
Because I’m busy puking desperately!

Oooooooh! The wondrous joys of gestation!
I never thought that I’d miss my menstruation!
For some chocolate I yearn
But it’d give me heartburn
I’m daydreaming of my husband’s castration!

The world’s stinky and smelly,
Get your hands off my belly
No, I’m just fat–I’m not having twins.
I’m large and rotund.
Yes! I’m SURE there’s just one.
You’re hilarious. You’re such the comedienne.

Ooooo, how I love being with child!
My back hurts. I’m grumpy and riled.
My cankles are swelling
My acne’s rebelling
Exaggerating? No, this is me being mild.

I’m nauseous and spotty,
And I live on the potty,
Because my bladder’s the size of a pea
My waistline’s expanding,
I’m annoyed and demanding
What the hell? Is that a stretch mark on me?

OOOooo! I love being knocked up!
My cha-chas have gone up two whole cups!
Sadly so has my rear,
My thighs, and I fear…
Did I just feel a backroll? Ayup.

When I finally give birth
I’ll know that it’s worth
All this pain and discomfort supreme
But until that day,
I’ve just one thing to say:
GO AWAY. Unless you’re bringing ice cream.

Ooooooo The wonderous joys of gestation!
I never thought that I’d ever miss menstruation!
For some chocolate I yearn
But it’d give me heartburn
Yes! I’m daydreaming of my husband’s castration!